I’m a Loser but I’m Less Sad

Miserable. Desolate. Melancholic.

I have been defining myself by these terms. In feeling suffocated by human connection, I was lonely.

Maybe a week or two ago, after another day of self-loathing, I went for a drive. I drove to see Libby, a dear friend who possesses such buoyancy that I hoped, that night, I could absorb myself. Instead, things were put into perspective for me.

Libby told me stories I had not heard before – her stories of triumph. She went through something deeply traumatic, something that could have easily consumed her. However, she refused to feel sorry for herself, and instead found exultation in overcoming the emotional hardship. It was time to become her own go-to person. And that she now is.

Libby developed a routine. One to keep her on track and in a positive frame of mind, despite the mayhem of her situation. She now radiates mass amounts of positive energy and has grown from what she experienced.

In following her advice, I encompassed daily rituals to ground myself and minimise dread.

I start my day with a cup of black coffee, enjoyed outside in the fresh air. This is accompanied by breakfast and music. Some songs that have improved my mornings lately:

  • LO-FI – Tamara & The Dreams
  • Tsukiji – Dan Hocking
  • Something to Say – Great Gable
  • Headcheck – The Million
  • Drive – Ainslie Wills

I strive to read 50 pages a day, made easy by the utilisation of a kindle (nerd).

I reread magazines and articles that inspire me. The Messy Heads magazine has always been a favourite.

I light incense daily (much to my family’s distaste). The scent never fails to lift my mood with the hints of nostalgia taking me back to various travels. When supported by selective crystals, even if I don’t necessarily believe in their healing properties, a sense of calm and direction is created. Sounds a bit hippy and cringe, I know.

I journal less, since writing frequently caused me to dwell. Instead I focus on poetry and lyricism, expressing my thoughts obliquely.

I keep my camera handy. Capturing even the simplest of moments keeps me present and allows for potential future content.

I try to talk to people beyond text and messenger ie face to face and phone calls. Surprisingly more challenging than I thought. But once I’m in a conversational flow and laughter is released, all doubts and fears are alleviated.

Things are looking better.

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